I ran across a Facebook post about a woman continually going back to a bad relationship, and as a survivor, I understood her dilemma. Survivors are taught many dysfunctional ways to love someone, forgetting we matter, and we deserve to be loved, accepted, and not rejected. It takes a long time to muddle through the atrocities we endured, through the lies of those who say they loved us most, and the belittling words, and horrific lives some have had to live, just to survive.
I have traveled all across America and Canada this last year and can tell you the most haunting questions which plague survivors are, regardless if they are young to old, 0-102, they all want to know two things; Despite all the trauma they endured throughout their young lives, survivors want to know, “Why Did Someone Not Believe Me” and “Why Did No One Stand Up For Me”? Survivors will hide behind many addictions to get through the pain, like food, drugs, work, and many other ways to avoid the pain. You finally reach a point where you realize, you can run but you can not hide. You eventually have to deal with the pain or you will never stop numbing the pain. Some go through counseling, different healing modalities, some use faith, or a combination of both, to help them understand all they endured was not their fault; nor was there anything they could have done to prevent what happened.
It takes survivors awhile, to find themselves, and the journey is not always a pleasant one. But, for some of us, we finally come to a place where we learn healthy boundaries; we learn we are worthy; we learn we deserve to be loved; but , most of all, we learn, we must fall in love with ourselves and find our own happiness, before we become involved in a relationship. We each come into a relationship with our own baggage, and if your partner does not love themself, then your partner can not fully love you. You can’t love enough for two and you can’t make it work by yourself. We all have flaws, so you can’t expect your partner to be perfect. You just have to ask yourself, if the flaws are something I can accept and live with. If not, this is not a healthy relationship for you, and your soul mate is waiting a little farther along your journey.
Sometimes, in our need for affection or to not be lonely, we have to ask ourselves this important question? Am I in love with my partner, or do I just love the way this person makes me feel not so lonely, and fills my need for affection and love. So, do I truly him/her or do love the void he/she fills?
I wish you many blessings of love, joy, happiness, peace, and prosperity.
Please share with me your thoughts.
Connie Lee/FACSA Foundation/Founder/President