Where Do I Want To Be In 10 Years?

Standard

 

Every January, people set an array of goals or make New Year’s Resolutions, because they are so resolute on how they are going to obtain that goal. By February, half have already fallen off the wagon of success. Very few ever achieve their New Year’s resolutions. What makes the few more successful than others; finding the answers means the difference between living another year with regret of what could have been of our lives, or living the greatness of what we could actually become. Knowledge and action are the difference between a great life, or a mediocre life. In January, “Cemeteries are frozen tundra’s of broken promises and unfulfilled dreams”. Don’t let your dreams die with you!

snow in Maine 943

This year I decided, I am going to live this year like no other. What if, every day I did five things to accomplish one of my goals; and five things to accomplish another. I know, you are thinking, who has the time for that right? But you do! Honestly! Because once you make your mind up to do something, usually no one will change it. It all comes down to time management and discipline. You have to decide here and now what is more important, living the life you have always lived, or living the life you deserve.

fight for your dreams

Which is another part of the problem. Many times in our lives we are conditioned by three basic concepts:

1) Afraid of Failure

2) Feeling Unworthy/Undeserving

3) Fear of Rejection.

How we avoid things because of our fear of failure or being rejected; how we spend our money; how we let things go; and how we don’t set healthy boundaries, all comes from these three fears.

If we try, we may fail, so instead we don’t try or don’t follow things through, living a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We are afraid of rejection. We are afraid no one will love us and accept us if they knew all of our flaws, but everyone has flaws.

I started a non-profit company with little money. I had a passion and a vision in 2009 to host nationwide conferences, with local advocates, to build, FACSA Centers (FACSA stands for Family and Friends Fighting Against Child Sexual Assault) in every state, which will have everything from counseling services, doctor services, psychological services, housing, security, job training, all under one roof. When the families left at the end of the year, they will leave to a home they can rent to own, and have a dependable transportation. I mortgaged my home to help fund the Shattering The Silence Tour and Documentary Project, which was a 115 city tour across the U.S.A. and Canada.

Life sometimes, gets in the way of dreams, and I have been home the last two years caring for my aging elderly parents. While at home, I have been able to write a children’s book. I am now writing my autobiography, which will be complete in four months.

I am working from home and have kicked off three national campaigns this year.

  • Having No Statute of Limitations Nationwide. I am working on a collaborative effort to get ambassadors to petition and fight for the bill to go before their legislatures this year.
  • Having Free DNA Testing and Processing for All Children of Sexual Assault. I am using the same concept. It seems when you conspire to do so something, the universe opens doors for you. I have made connections of collaboration that are inspiring.
  • We are hosting a Global Pop Up Art Project at the University of Southern Florida, April 23, 2016. This is a global event to showcase prevention and education of child sexual assault and human trafficking where artist, survivors, showcase their art, music, dance, theatrics, poetry, etc. to and to create a paradigm shift to shatter the secrets of silence and shame, which surrounds it.

I decided this year, would be like how I want to live, not only the next 10 years of my life, but the rest of my life. I started January swinging for the fences.

In January, I began to finish my autobiography and plan to write other books to help fund, with grants and fund raisers, the FACSA Centers. I submitted part of my documentary work to a couple of Film Festivals, which I hope will get picked up. If so, it will help our cause in raising awareness and education, and also bring in much needed funds for my non-profit; and for myself.

In 10 years, I will have written films, books, created apps and games for our programs. All of this, will have been because of the three little words, “I Have Decided.”

 

I kicked off the National campaigns, and I work every day to make sure they are successful. Whether I make the April goal, or it takes me longer, as long as I get the bills implemented, no matter how long it takes, I know I have done my best; and that is all anyone can do.

Theodore Roosevelt said it best, when he said, ““It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

theodore-roosevelt-3.jpg failure and defeat

Teen Dating Violence Prevention

Standard

Teen Dating Violence Preventio

                                                

 

How many of you are familiar with the Chris Brown assault upon his girlfriend Rhianna? Chris Brown and Rhianna are two pop stars, who made national headlines when Chris beat Rhianna after they fought over a text message from another girl. Regardless of how angry he got her, he had no right to hit her; and he should have walked away when he got that angry. How do you think he should have responded to this situation?  Since this was not the first time he had beaten her, why do you think she stayed? What do you think she could have done to prevent the abuse from her partner? According to some teens they feel this is common in relationships, and unfortunately, this has become there comfort zone. Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. In dating violence, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other through abuse.

If you will look around your classroom, church, auditorium, or any public setting and think of these statistics, as you take a mental snapshot of your classmates. One in three girls are sexually assaulted before the age 18 and one of six boys; and that is only the ones who have reported it. 90% of sexually assaulted children never report it. They don’t report being raped by an abuser, a family member, their partner, or a stranger because of shame, feeling dirty, wondering what they did to deserve it, they don’t want to break up the family, feel like no one will believe them, or does not want to get the abuser in trouble. This also allows the perpetrator to hurt someone else because they don’t stop, seldom change w/o counseling, and you can’t fix them.

Regardless of age, Teen and adult abusive partners will demonstrate some of the following classic abusive behaviors:

At first they shower you with a lot of affection, gifts, and love. Then they become very

  • Controlling what you say; who you talk to; where you go; and how you dress
  • excessively texts you
  • belittling you in front of friends and family
  • Hitting you; leaving bruises and cuts
  • verbally abusing you
  • isolating you from friends and family
  • emotional outburst
  • uses force in arguments
  • always blames others for their mistakes and faults
  • sexually assaults you
  • ·believe their partners are their possession; then they become obsessed with them, which can lead to stalking:

 

  • ·Stalking is the willful and repeated following, watching, and / or harassing of another person. Most of the time, the purpose of stalking is to attempt to force a relationship with someone who is unwilling or otherwise unavailable. Unlike other crimes, which usually involve one act, stalking is a series of actions that occur over a period of time. Although stalking is illegal, the actions that contribute to stalking are legal, such as gathering information, calling someone on the phone, sending gifts, emailing or instant messaging. Such actions by themselves are not usually abusive, but can become abusive when frequently repeated over time. http://law.findlaw.com/state-laws/stalking/louisiana/

Willful, malicious, and repeated following or harassing with   intent to place in fear of death or bodily injury.

Punishment/Classification

Maximum 1 year jail and $1000 fine. If had dangerous weapon:   fine $1,000 and/or jail 1 year. If stalking and protective order for same   victim, or criminal proceeding for stalking victim or injunction: jail 90   days minimum and 2 years maximum and/or fined maximum $5,000. If victim under   18, maximum 1 year and/or $2000 fine. Note: anyone over 13 who stalks a child   12 and under and is found to have placed child in reasonable fear of death or   bodily injury of family member shall be punished by 1 year minimum, 3 years   maximum in jail and/or $1,500 minimum, $5,000 maximum fine

Penalty for Repeat Offense

If 2nd within 7 years: jail minimum 180 days and maximum 3   years and/or fined maximum $5,000. If 3rd or subsequent within 7 years: jail   minimum 2 years and maximum 5 years and/or fined maximum $5,000

 

 

Abusers will try to isolate you from your family, do not let them. If you find yourself or someone you know in an abusive relationship talk to a teacher, family member, pastor, counselor, or call the FACSA Foundation. The important thing is to tell.

 

So how do young men and young women get involved partner, when they should know better and leave? Out of 6 billion people in the world, why do we fall in love with the partners we choose? You can walk into a room of people and may find many attractive, but there will be one who captivates your interest more than the others because of pheromones. Your nose emits odorless chemicals called pheromones that peeks your interest around a certain individual. Guys like to impress girls with their status, wit, charm, physical appearance, humor, and talents. While ladies like to impress the guys by twirling their fingers in their hair, batting their eyes, acting sweet and charming, or pretending to be interested in something they could care less about. Now guys, this does not mean you can put your sweaty armpits in the girl’s faces to make them fall madly in love with; this will probably get you hit a few times.

Another factor, besides being a hormonal teenager, is the fact that, as we grow up, we watch our parents every day. We see them laugh together, love each other, or we see them argue with one another, cheat on one another, lie to each other, or be abusive to each other; and this imprint becomes our comfort zone and the model of our future relationships. We say I will never be like my mother or I will never be like my dad, but subconsciously we choose our first loves that have tendencies like our parents because this is our comfort zone. It isn’t until we get older, with more experience, for us to realize what kind of relationship is a healthy relationship and find a person who loves us, as we are, with flaws and all. Because when it comes down to it, you will never change them, you cannot fix them, they will not get better, and abuse only escalates. You cannot love enough for two; nor can you make it work by yourself.  You deserve to be loved and accepted as you are; and you have to pass on others until you find a partner who can do that. Not everyone will fit into the mold you fantasize as your soul mate; and trying to make them into what you want will only lead to a lot of heart of ache. If you are dating an abusive partner, regardless of how much you love them, you have to ask yourself, is this someone I would want to have children with. Would I want my children to be yelled at and belittled for every little thing they do wrong? Your children deserve better than that; you deserve better than that.  If you have someone in your life that is physically and verbally abusive to you, you need to tell your family, a teacher, a counselor, the FACSA Foundation, or an adult who will listen; and keep telling until someone listens. Abused friends and family will demonstrate the following behaviors:

  • Their partner controls what they say; who they talk to; where they go; and how they dress
  • They may/will be manipulated with money by their abuser
  • Their partner will make them fearful by actions or looks
  • Hitting them; leaving bruises and cuts
  • verbally abusing them
  • be isolated from friends and family
  • will take up for abuser; and may mention their abuse but laugh it off as a joke
  • they will try to please the abuser in anyway, but nothing will ever please them
  • believe they are their partners possession
  • Is always blamed for their partners mistakes and faults
  • Has been sexually assaults by their partner
  • Know the facts about relationship abuse.
  • Give assurance that you believe your friend’s story.
  • Listen and let her share her feelings.
  • Do not judge or give advice. Talk about available options and resources.
  • Physical safety is the first priority. If you believe a friend is in danger, voice that concern. Help create a safety plan.
  • Respect your friend’s right to confidentiality.
  • Say that you care and want to help.
  • Don’t be upset if your friend doesn’t react the way you think she should. Let her talk about the caring aspects of the      relationship as well. People who are being controlled by their partner’s      behavior must consider many factors before coming to a conclusion about how to access safety. Let her make her own decisions and support her throughout the process.
  • Give clear messages, including:
    • Your actions do not cause the abuse.
    • You are not to blame for your partner’s behavior.
    • You cannot change her partner’s behavior.
    • Apologies and promises are a form of manipulation.
    • You are not alone.
    • Abuse is not loss of control; it is a means of control.
  • It is helpful to provide support to survivors. However, there are some forms of advice that are not useful and even dangerous for them to hear:
    • Don’t tell them what to do, when to leave or when not to leave.
    • Don’t tell them to go back to the situation and try a little harder.
    • Don’t rescue them by trying to find quick solutions.
    • Don’t suggest you try to talk to the abusive partner to straighten things out.
    • Don’t place yourself in danger by confronting the abuser.
    • Don’t tell them they should stay for the sake of the children.
  • Never recommend couples counseling in situations of emotional or physical abuse. It is dangerous for the victim and will not lead to a resolution. 
  • Encourage separate counseling for the individuals, if they want counseling.

Adapted from EWA, Canada

How to Help a Friend Who is a Sexual Assault Survivor

When talking to a survivor of sexual assault, here are some key ideas to keep in mind:

  • Validation: Accept what you hear. Many survivors fear they will not be believed. They are afraid that their experience will be minimized as “not important” or made into a catastrophe. Let the survivor state her or his views,  feelings, beliefs, and opinions. Do not be judgmental.
  • Empowerment: Allow survivors to direct their own course of action, no matter how much      you think your idea would help them. An assault takes away the victim’s power and control over their self and situation; regaining that sense of control helps the survivor in the recovery process.
  • Information: Present survivors with resources and available options. Initially, the victim may be so overwhelmed that it is impossible for them to hear everything. Be patient and willing to repeat yourself. Respect the person’s decision as to what to do.
  • Privacy: Assure survivors that you will keep the matter private. Explain that you may need to consult with resources to understand how to help her. If total anonymity is necessary, you and/or the survivor may get information and support without revealing your names.
  • Listen: Let survivors disclose as much about the assault as they are comfortable with. Do not press for details, as this can feel intrusive and controlling.

In responding to the survivor use the same words she or he does in describing the event. If the survivor uses the word “rape,” then use it in reflective listening. If the survivor uses the expression “something bad happened,” stay with that. Be empathetic, non-judgmental, and help the survivor feel safe. Avoid labeling the experience for them. Remember, survivors may feel guilty and responsible. You can reassure them that no one deserves to be assaulted and it was not their fault. Be particularly sensitive if a survivor has special needs based on ethnicity, gender, religion, sexual orientation, and/or disability.

 

 

Even though it should never occur, the fact is dating violence and abuse happens every day, regardless of education or the lack thereof, rich or poor, race, or religion. People do not leave because they are afraid to; they are mentally and physically beaten down; or feel they have nowhere to turn.

  • If you have been abused by your partner, or you know someone who has you can call for resources:

 

  •  the FACSA Foundation (318) 540-4464 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting (318) 532-0703 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting; or email us at facsasavethechildren@hotmail.com

 

  • the National Dating Abuse Hotline 1 (866) 331-9474 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1 (866) 331-9474 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting

 

  • loveisrespect.org is a new 24 hour resource that utilizes telephone and web-based interactive technology to reach teens and young adults experiencing dating abuse. The Helpline numbers are: (866) 331-9474 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting (866) 331-9474 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting and TTY (866) 331-8453. The peer to peer online individual chat function is available from 4 p.m. to midnight and can be accessed from the website.

 

  • Local Springhill Police (318) 539-2511 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting (318) 539-2511 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting

 

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline 1(800) 799-7233 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1(800) 799-7233 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting

      

If you plan on leaving, make a safe exit:

  • Know the phone number of a safe house or a local women’s battered shelter
  • Tell someone you trust and develop a plan; use code words if you are in trouble. A visual sign could be if the light is on it is safe; if the light is off you are in trouble
  • Go to a doctor if you are injured and report the incident
  • Do not go back to the abuser; your life could be at risk and no love is worth that.
  • File a report and let the charges stick; regardless of the partner’s threats
  • Reassure children of a safe place and their job is not to protect you.
  • Keep the car fueled, money hidden, cell charged, and evacuation plan ready
  • Pack a bag and hide it if necessary, with important documents, like social security numbers, birth certificates, medical information, marriage license, extra car keys, car title, banking information, important phone numbers, shoes, clothes, and toiletry items; maybe the kids favorite toy, to calm them.
  • Know abusers schedule and a safe time to leave
  • Erase you internet search history and be careful who you reach out to
  • If you call for help, immediately dial another number right after that, so the abuser will not know who you called last.

If you leave:

  • Change your routine
  • keep your doors locked

  keep a certified copy of your restraining order with you at all times. (6 months max; can get a $500 fine or imprisonment)

  • Install security systems in your new place
  • Get a P O Box
  • Get caller id
  • Avoid going to where the abuser is, when possible. If necessary, carry protectors with you like law enforcement.

 

You don’t deserve to be treated this way;  you do deserve to be valued as a person, listened to without being yelled at, criticized, or judged; and you deserve to be loved. Despite what you think that person is bringing to your life, they are actually taking more than they offer. You can’t afford to trade yourself, your self -esteem, or possibly, your life for what you have them?  You have to learn to value yourself as a person, respect yourself despite your mistakes; and know today is a new day to start fresh. Learn to protect yourself and make better choices for your life; because every choice you make, regardless of how small, will affect the rest of your life. Every action becomes a behavior; and a behavior becomes who you are. There will be times in your life where you will have to take a good hard look at your life; and change what you don’t like about it.

I will close with a quote from Jim Rohn, “If you don’t make a plan for your life, chances are, you will fall into someone else’s; and guess what they have planned for you; not much!”

Connie Lee/FACSA Foundation/Founder/President

FACSAFoundation.org

facsasavethechildren@hotmail.com

 http://facsafoundationvirtualexpo.ning.com/ 

 

 

The  Dating Bill of Rights according to the ACADV http://www.acadv.org/dating.html

 

         

   

   

The Dating Bill of Rights

   

I Have The Right To:

   
  •     Ask for a date
  •     Refuse a date
  •     Suggest Activities
  •     Refuse any activities,

            Even if my date is   

            Excited about them 

  •     Have my own feelings   

           And be able to express   

           Them  

  •     Say, “I think my friend   

            Is wrong and their    

            Actions are inappropriate.  

  •     Tell Someone Not To   

            Interrupt Me  

  •     Have my limits and   

            Values respected  

  •     Tell my partner when  

            I need affection  

  •     Refuse affection
  •     Be heard
  •     Refuse to lend money
  •     Refuse sex anytime,              

            For any reason   

  •     Have friends and   

            Space aside from    

            My partner 

____________________________________________________________________   

I     Have The Responsibility Too

   

  •     Determine my limits and   

            Values  

  •     Respect the limits of others
  •     Communicate clearly and       

            Honestly  

  •     Not violate limits of others
  •     Ask for help when I need it
  •     Be considerate
  •     Check my actions and decisions               

            To determine whether they are   

            Good or bad for me  

  •     Set High Goals For Myself 

 

Signs of Child Abuse, What To Do, and Who To Call

Standard

Image

Many times parents, grandparents, school officials, family, and friends are confronted
with a situation, such as child sexual assault and are not sure how to handle it. Child Sexual assault happens to children from ages 0-18. It is most often family members or acquaintances, someone the child knows. Sexual abuse can include, fondling, touching, kissing, inappropriate gestures, pornography with the child, to sexual assault. While it is defined by judges, lawyers, city and school officials differently, the effects of child sexual assault remain the same, devastating to the child, with lifelong consequences. If you suspect your child is being abused or sexually assaulted, we are listing a few helpful hints and guidelines to guide you.

Children will explore their bodies and this is normal. It is not normal when their behavior
is not in context to how they typically behave.

If they become more aggressive


become unable to focus(and have other sexual assault signs) burst into tears for no reason

are inappropriately touching their dolls or animals

begin to hurt animals

may become, shy, withdrawn, or have mood swings

depressed

began using drugs

become promiscuous

start bed wetting

fearful of a certain adult, places, or things

nightmares

unexplained bruises or rashes around mouth or genital areas

If you suspect a child has been sexually assaulted you need to contact authorities. You have to consider the best interest of the child, not the perpetrators social standing, parental basis, or dismissing it because it isn’t happening to you. If they can hurt this child, they can hurt your children, grandchildren, or the children of the people you love.

 Make the call to your local Child Protective Services and/or police department at 911 or

Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-25ABUSE begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-25ABUSE FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting

 

Always remember, it is not the child’s fault. Even if a teen is promiscuous, adults must be responsible adults and dismiss themselves from the situation.

I am very proud of Governor Jindal’s tough stance on child protection legislation he has enacted, on behalf children and families, in the State of Louisiana.

“Child sexual assault does not discriminate for pain knows no color, race, religion, gender, or age.” Connie Lee

Connie Lee/FACSA Foundation/Founder/President

(318) 540-4464 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting (318) 523-0703 FREE  

FACSAFoundation.orgend_of_the_skype_highlightingFACSAFoundation.org

http://facsafoundationvirtualexpo.ning.com/

facsasavethechildren@hotmail.com

Child Abuse:


Childhelp’s National Child Abuse Hotline
800-4-A-CHILD begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 800-4-A-CHILD FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting (800-422-4453 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 800-422-4453 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting)


Child Care


Child Care Aware
1-800-424-2246 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-424-2246 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting


Domestic Violence


National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-799-SAFE FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting (800-799-7233 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 800-799-7233 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting)
TDD 1-800-787-3224 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-787-3224 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting

Missing and Exploited Children
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
1-800-THE-LOST begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-THE-LOST FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting (1-800-843-5678 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-843-5678 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting)

Polaris Project

Polaris Project

P.O. Box 53315

Washington, D.C. 20009

Tel: 202-745-1001 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 202-745-1001 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting  or 1-888-373-7888 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-888-373-7888 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting

Fax: 202-745-1119

Project Jason

P.O Box 3035

Omaha, NE 68103

Phone: 402-932-0095 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 402-932-0095 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting

E-mail: information@projectjason.org


Runaway Youth


National Runaway Switchboard
1-800-621-4000 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-621-4000 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting


National Human Trafficking Resource Center


National Human Trafficking Resource Center
1-888-3737-888 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-888-3737-888 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting


RAINN offers an online hotline. Anyone can access help over the internet.
http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/

FACSA Foundation (Family and Friends Fighting Against Child Sexual Assault)
(318) 540-4464 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting (318)  5230703 FREE  end_of_the_skype_highlighting
facsasavethechildren@hotmail.

FACSAFoundation.org

FBI.gov  http://www.fbi.gov/scams-safety/registry/registry

Jessie’s Law      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica‘s_Law                 http://archive.flsenate.gov/session/index.cfm?m&BI_Mode=ViewBillInfo&Mode=Bills&SubMenu=1&Year=2005&billnum=1877

Klaas Foundation http://www.klaaskids.org/pg-ourstory.htm

Lundsford Foundation   http://www.jmlfoundation.com/                         http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica’s_Law

National Missing and Exploited Children’s Foundation http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=2816

Sex Offender Residency Statutes and the Culture of Fear: The Case for More

Meaningful Rational Basis Review of  Fear-Driven Public Safety Laws

David A. Singletonhttp://ir.stthomas.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1099&context=ustlj

Sex Offender Registration Resources in Louisiana http://publicrecords.onlinesearches.com/Louisiana-Sex-Offender-Registration-3.htm

To Speak the Truth

Research-based law–the use of science to inform the practice of Wisconsin law

http://bauersteven.blogspot.com/2010/11/sex-offender-recidivism-base-rates.html

Webster Parish Sheriff’s Office Sex Offender Registry /Watch http://www.icrimewatch.net/results.

http://www.webstersheriff.us/offender_watch.html

Whatcom County Sheriff’s Office Sex Offender Tier Registry Classification

http://www.co.whatcom.wa.us/sheriff/sexoffenders/classifications.jsp